Politician

"Aise hone chahiye, humare desh ke Politician."

Us, kacchi sadak par bichi woh keelien, us Safed Mercedes ka intezar karte lag rahin thin. Mercedes ki backseat par baithe us shakhs ka dhyaan kahin aur hi tha. Gaadi ke Driver ko bhi dhyaan na raha ki kab, gaadi keelon ke upar se guzar gayi....Aur, gaadi ki hawa tayron se.

Driver - Sahib, lagta hai Tyre Puncture ho gaya hai!

Mercedes se neeche utre us shakhs ki aankhon mein nafrat thi. Apni, chappal par lage keechad ko dekh kar, chehre par ghinn thi. Ghamand se bhari awaz mein usne apne, Driver ko apne paas bulaya.

'E, mere jute saaf kar!'

Driver - Jee, aaya Sahib.

Yeh, sab manzar do aur aankhein dekh rahin thin. Yeh aankhein, Mercedes ki side par hi bane ek, Auto Repair Shop mein khade 12 - 13 saal ke yuvak ki thin. Shayad, yeh Auto Repair Shop issi yuvak ki thi. Bahut der se dekh rahe yuvak ke sabr ka bandh toot gaya aur woh dauda huya Mercedes ke saamne pahuncha.

Hiten - Saab, maine dekha aapki gaadi kharab hote huye..Yeh, choti si Auto Repair Shop meri hi hai. Mujhe, 15 minute dijiye, aapki gaadi ka tyre change kar dunga.

Us, aadmi ne munh se kuch nahi bola. Bas, uski gardan ne ishara kar diya. Shayad, woh aadmi kisi soch mein doob gaya tha.

Mumbai ki mayanagri, Bollywood. Successful actor, Prashant Sinha ki nayi Picture ka Premiere........Anekon sitaron se saji mehfil mein, sab nazrein, Prashant Sinha par thin. Press waalon ki saawal ki list, Carpet se bhi lambi thi. Prashant Sinha, Reporters ke saawalon ke jawab de hi rahe the ki, ek Jeep aa ker ruki. 15 - 20 ladke neeche utre.

'Aap log andar nahi jaa sakte.'

Security Guard itna hi keh paya kyunki uske baad, uski jubaan zameen chatne mein lag gayi.....Ladkon mein se ek bhaari awaz aayi.

'Bottle, phod saale ke!'

Prashant Sinha ke sir par zor se ek bottle padi..Prashant kuch kar paata us se pehle hi ladkon dwara laayi gayi hockey sticks ki chot se uski taang ki haddi jawab de chuki thi. Prashant Sinha par, Hockey Sticks dwara kiye gaye ghaav badhne lage...Kisi ne kuch kehne ki koshish nahi ki. Sab, log murti ban tamasha dekhte rahe.

10 minute baad, Hockey ki maar band huyi. Ek, ladke ne apna Mobile, Prashant Sinha ke kaan ke pas lagaya. Ek, awaz aayi.

'Tujhe yahan tikne nahi dunga.......Abhi toh Haddi todi hai, agli baar mere upar Picture banane ki koshish ki toh, teri chamdi Acid se jala kar tere Camere par latka dunga......Jai Maharashtra!'

Ladkon ki toli, 'Jai Maharashtra' ke naare lagate huye, Jeep mein sawar hokar andhere mein ghum ho gayi. Zakhmon se karah rahe, Prashant Sinha ke upar koi dhyaan nahi de raha tha.

Agle din wohi Jeep ek Theatre ke bahar aa kar ruki, jahan par shayad kisi Bhojpuri Picture ka Show chal raha tha.

'Band karo yeh ashleel tamasha........Phaad Do Seatein....Laga do aag iss Bhojpuri Lanka mein!'

Picture dekh rahe log, darwazon ki taraf bhagne lage. Kaiyon ne Balcony se chalaang laga di...Theatre ka mallik dauda huya aaya.

'Yeh, aap log kya.....................

Uski, baat band hoti us se pehle hi ek ladke ne uske munh par Sticker laga diya.

'Mera naam, Narayan hai.....Aur, kaan se yeh bali nikal kar sun le, aaj ke baad yahan koi Picture nahi chalegi....Chali toh, tere saare patthe, teri laash ka Show dekh rahe honge.....Kamal, Shirt phaad iski.'

Cinema Owner ki shirt ke kai chithde ho gaye. Ladkon ne woh Shirt sulga di.

Narayan - Bana do yahan shamshan.

Jalti Shirt ke tukde, Seaton ki taraf phenk diye gaye...Kuch, ladkon ne Cinema ke Parde ko aag laga di. Cinema ke mallik ke kuch kar paane se pehle hi ek Hockey ki parhar se uske hosh ud gaye......Cinema Hall ko jalti chita bana kar ladkon ki toli nikal chuki thi.

Narayan - ......Haan, Saab....Jee, tod dete hain....Mitti mein mila denge....Aap, phikar na karein......Shankar, Jeep, Theke ki taraf mod.

Sharab ke addon par bhaari bheed lagi huyi thi. Jeep aa chuki thi..Lekin iss baar ladkon ke haath mein Hockey nahi thi....Talwaron ki chamak thi...Is se pehle hi koi kuch samajh paata, ladkon ki toli ne logon ki chamdi utarni shuru kar di.

Narayan - Bolo......Jai Maharashtra!

Shaarab ki botlein choodiyon saman zameen par gir - gir tootne lagin...Bheed kum ho chuki thi...Narayan ka rukh, sharaab bech rahe aadmi ki taraf tha.

Narayan - Tune hi likha hai kya, 'We Sell English Wine'?

'Jee!'

Uski, awaz aane ki hi der thi ki, Acid ki bauchar uske munh par pad chuki thi...Ashanaey dard le kar woh aadmi daudta huya, behosh ho gaya.

Narayan - Yahan ka har baccha - baccha, Desi Daaru peeta hai....Tujhe, badi angrezi chadi hai...Ab, bol Jai Maharashtra!

Kamal - Narayan, woh dekh shayad woh ladka issi ka beta hai.

Narayan ne bacche ko utha, Counter par bitha diya.

Narayan - Kaala Rang laayo.

Kuch ladke, phataphat Paint ka ek kanastar utha laaye. Narayan ne apna haath Rang mein dubo kar, bacche ke munh par mal diya.

Narayan - Ab, isse kabhi buri nazar nahi lagegi....Chocolate khaa!

Narayan ne ek Sticker uske munh par bhi chipka diya.

Jeep, wahan se nikal gayi. Bheed ka jama hona shuru ho gaya tha....Jeep, ek Taxi ke paas jaa kar ruki...Taxi khaali padi thi. Shayad, Taxi walah kahin gaya huya tha.

Narayan - Machis De!

Machis sulga kar, Petrol ki tanki mein daal di....Taxi, ekdum dhamake se phat gayi.

Narayan - Mumbai ki taraf rukh bhi kiya toh jaan kheench lenge....Jai Maharashtra!

Agle, din ke akhbaron ki khabarein badi surkh thin!

'An Actor Got Brutally Beaten Up.'

'A Cinema House And Its Owner Were Burned By A Group Of Teenagers!'

'Taxi Union Ke Ek Member Ki Taxi Ko Bomb Ka Gola Bana Diya Gaya. Hamalawar Farar!'

'A Man And His 5 Year Old Son, Beaten By Young Adult Attackers At Liquor Stores.'

'Was The Mumbai Police Sleeping?'


'Saab!'

Us, aadmi ka dhyaan khayalon se bahar aaya.

'Hun......Haan..!'

Hiten - Aapki, gadi ka tyre badal diya hai.

Gardan hila kar woh aadmi apni, Mercedes ki Back Seat par sawar ho gaya....Jaise, hi Mercedes chalne lagi, piche se Hiten ka haath gaadi ke sheeshe par aa kar laga...

Hiten - Saab.....Mera mehanatana toh dete jaayo.

Mercedes ruki aur Reverse hokar ussi jagah par aa ruki jis par woh khadi thi....Aadmi aur uska Driver dono bahar nikle.

'Kya Bola? Jaanta hai tu kis se paise maang raha hai?............Dev Jaykar naam hai mera......Saale, tera hone waala Leader hun.'

Dev Jaykar ki thokar se Hiten door ja gira.

Dev - Yeh, itna bada - bada Angrezi mein kya likha hai.....Apni dukaan ka naam, Shudh Hindi mein nahi likh sakta tha?....Tujhe toh iss desh mein rehne ka koi adhikar nahi hai....Rehta kidhar hai tu.

Chot ke prabhav se, Hiten ki aankhein nam hone lagin thin..Phir, bhi woh himmat kar bola!

Hiten - Woh, Hanuman Mandir ke paas waali basti mein...Yahan se thodi hi door hai.

Driver - Sahib, wahan toh Bihari rehte hain!

Dev ki aankhon mein khoon utar gaya.

Dev - Tu.........Tu mere jute saaf karega.....Dukaan chalayega yahan apni......Teri poori basti ko aag laga dunga main......Tujh se pehle teri hi jaise, Vidyarthiyon ki haddiyan tod chuka hun....Bol, Jai Maharashtra...Saanp das gaya hai kya?......Bol......Driver, iski dukaan tod do.

Hiten - Saab....Mujhe maaf kar do.....Saab...Aisa mat karo...Mere, Bhai ko Polio hai.... Uska jimma mere sir hi hai....Koi roko...Koi...

Hiten ki nazar, paas mein hi ek, Rehdi par, Pav - Bhaaji khaa rahe do Hawaldaron par gayi. Woh, dauda huya unke paas gaya.

Hiten - Daroga Saab, meri dukaan bacha lo.

Patil - Tune, kuch suna Pandya?

Pandya - Nahi toh....Kaan mein mail bahut jam gayi hai!

Patil - Beta, woh dukaan nahi hai...Sirf, ek gatte ka ghar hai...Toot jaayega toh behtar hai..Tera kya jaata hai?...Le, tu bhi khaa!

Hiten dauda huya apni dukaan par jaa pahuncha joki ab kabad ke roop mein wahan bikhar chuki thi.

Dev - Teri dukaan mein apna chunav chinh laga diya hai....Mat dena mat bhooliyo....Nahi toh agli baar tere Polio waale bhai ki laash yahan taang denge.....JAI MAHARASHTRA!

Mercedes jaa chuki thi......Peeche chut gayi thi cheekhein...Ansu...Nirasha....aur Dard.