Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Deadpooling For Twilight
'Um, Can you hear me? You there...Yes, I am talking to you...No, No...Don't close this page yet...Hey, don't even think about calling 9-1-1...Or, I will kidnap your dog and feed it to my cat...I have a big cat...Forget about that last line, my cat is allergic to dogs....Anyway...Wow!...You, must have a lot of free time...I forgot to introduce myself...Bond, James Bond!...Too cliche'd...How, about Bourne, Jason Bournde!...Or, simply Pool...Deadpool...Ha, Ha....Bonzai Mother...Hey, I never mind my language....Only, if Ryan Reynolds is playing me than I might have worked under a PG - 13 movie.....Whoa, look at how many words I wrote...Hey, Reader do you want to be mystified? Rattled? Dazzled? Satisfied? Well, if you are a female reader contact me...Only, ATTRACTIVE FEMALES...See, there is emphasis on the word 'ATTRACTIVE'...I prefer Redeheads...Ok, So I am going to tell you a story...The story is about our ANGRY YOUNG OGRE...............HULK......When, he met those...Can, you call them vampires? I don't think they are vampires...Whatever, they are! They are sparkly, they are white, and they are vegetarian!...Huh, Who wrote this script?...I bet a any guy named, 'Mohit Sharma' could write or even invent better poetic thoughts than this garbage. Oh, yes Hulk meets Twilight.'
Bella - No, It's too late!
Edward - I wanted to tell you this earlier, Bella....
Bella - OMG...This, guy likes other guys!
Edward - I can hear you. I am standing right here. Infact, I don't need you...Okay...I have fell in love with someone else...His name is....
Deadpool - Intense moment...See, this folks...I always knew he was not a vampire.
Bella - You are telling me you are H..Vomo...Fine, I am going with Taylor Swift...Er...Lautner.
Edward - His name is Jacob!
Bella - Obviously, you would know that. Should have known that you roll on the other side after you refused to bite me...Go, watch some Ricky Martin video you Vomo.
Edward - Why doesn't anybody let me come out of closet?
Deadpool - After, Bella leaves with Jacob, Edward puts on a Ricky Martin video while bringing a knife closer to his wrist...SHIT...This gay...Ahm!...guy is Emo too...And, all those times I read Twilight in Toilet...Augh...Let's see what Hulk is upto.
Bella - Good job boy. You are an amazing dog. Brownie points for that jump.
Jacob - I am not a dog, Bella. I am an werewolf.
Bella - Where Wuff? That's a terrible breed. I am going to call you Swiftner. A mix - up of Swift and Lautner.
Jacob - Sh! Hear something.
Bella - It's probably some animal using nature's resources. After all we are in Potty Fields!
Jacob - The voice is becoming louder...Hide me!
Bella - This is becoming a mystery. You are a guy, go check where the noise is coming from.
Jacob - I am not a guy...I mean, I am not going to go...You, go. You go girl.
Deadpool - UGA BOOGA BOOGAAAAA! Gotcha. Well, not really. You are just reading. I think the mystery sounds are not a mystery at all. I am going to go get aspirin. These, Twilight people have given me an headache. You, keep reading.
'SPARKLY PEOPLE, DISTURB HULK'S POO - POO TRAIN....HULK ANGRY.'
Jacob - It was her. She did it. I am just a dog.
Hulk - AAARR...Ahu - Ahu...SPARKLY PEOPLE EVEN TOOK HULK'S UNDERWEAR...HULK SMASH.
Bella - Give, him back his underwear.
Jacob - I don't have your underwear. Look, at your size. It won't fit me...Well, I could use it as a substitute for my broken trampoline...Ah, I can buy you a new one. Which, brand do you want? Gucci, Armani....Hmm...K - Mart?
Hulk - HULK BREAK WHITE BOYS AND GIRLS NECKS.
Jacob - I ain't white....I am original...Aboriginal...Native...Yaa, Maaan. Hoy you doin maaan. I am Babbu Maan..
Deadpool - Ha, Ha...The, guy is trying Jamaican accent!
Bella - Bacon, that's not native accent.
Jacob - Huh...Oh, I am Indian...Sorry, not white.
Hulk - INDIAN RESTAURENT GAVE HULK SPICY FOOD. MAKE, HULK CHILLY POO - POO TRAIN....HULK MORE MAD. HULK SMASH INDIAN BOY.
Jacob - Ahhh...He, broke my ribs.
Bella - He, didn't even touch you. Just, keep backing away. Animals, usually go away.
Hulk - HULK JUMPPPPPP!.
Deadpool - Ouch...Nice, Voilence Hulk. That scene was classic from all points...Yea, folks its a wrap - up...I think, I should use this underwear as a bed sheet...Yo, give me my paycheck for narration....By, the way I have set up a time bomb in your house..Ready to go in 3, 2, 1...Boom...Ha Ha!...That was just Gobar Gas...Kudos...Ciao!